Tuesday 19 June 2012

just saying


Abcdefj
there are some of us who run too deep
at least that's what i'm told
but to wade through shallow waters
one needs not be too bold
for though it flow not strong against you
and every step is set
it's like stepping into water
and never getting wet
and what's the point of all of that
you should have stayed upon dry land
where you don't have to reach beyond yourself
or lend a helping hand
abcdefj







for chanelle

... just writing you a message before I go to bed...

being wrong -

don't be sad - if you feel like you can't get anything right
it's okay - 
just let yourself get everything wrong 
people get over wrong - trust me
i can't remember the amount of times i got things wrong and thought that my world may as well end - and i was wrong
i can't remember the amount of times i got things right and thought
that everything was well in the world - and i was wrong
i can't remember the amount of times believing i will never be happy again - i was wrong
i can't remember the amount of times believing i will never be sad again - i was wrong
i can't remember the amount of times i trusted and i was wrong
i can't remember the amount of times i didn't trust and i was wrong
i can't remember the amount of times i thought i was in love and i was wrong
i can't remember the amount of times i thought i wasn't in love and i was RIGHT - haha
i can't remember the amount of times i thought i was doing an absolutely marvellous job - and found out i was shit
i can't remember the amount of times i thought i was doing shit - and found out i was doing an absolutely marvellous job
i can't remember the amount of times i thought looks don't matter - i was wrong
i can't remember the amount of times i thought looks do matter -
i was wrong
i can't remember the amount of times i thought i'll get over this easy as - i was wrong
i can't remember the amount of times i thought i'll never get over this - i was wrong...

so honey, as you can see, i have extensive experience in getting things wrong and god bless my little cotton sox - i'm gonna keep getting it wrong - of that i can be sure -

so what to do about it -

cry - yeah have a cry - three little letters and acronym for:
C: Care R: Rabout Y: You 
say a little prayer (or a big one) it doesn't matter - just have a little heart to heart with God, just you and Him - amazing sometimes how a little heart to heart with God helps to empty our little boxes full of 'wrongs' - lightening our loads and all that

you know honey - i've come to think that being & doing stuff wrong is a privilege that the good lord Himself entrusts only to those who have the courage to break down and cry because they can't do it -
and if i'm right - then my CV is chokka full of experience - and if i'm wrong - ahhhh well - Lord forgive me for saying shit like that aye - haha - (but on this I think i'm right :P)

love you much and much and much - god bless you honey as only He can
mwah!

let's sit and talk




Let's sit and talk - as we often do

of the moments that we share,
of being alive and breathing, and the joy of being here
let's contemplate to live in hope - that it will all turn out okay
and let ourselves still soldier on, to still a better day
lets laugh from the pit of our wiggly beings, of the silly things gone by
and forgive ourselves for never knowing how to do it right - or why
lets talk about the beautiful things we've done and the joy we may have bought
to the quiet lives of others, oh and the love we may have taught
let's consider the things our hands have made to bring warmth on chilly winter nights
and think on all the kisses given and all the tears we've dried
let's remember how we paid no never mind, when it didn't fit us like it should
let's remember that we did the most delicious things – and why? - because we could
let's remember that we may have loved and lost 
but consider that's the price that we must pay
for we know to live is indeed to love - so we gave our hearts away

Lets sit and talk – as we often do
and recall the loves that have passed our way -
the ones around the playground – on a giggly summer day
the ones we thought we'd ne'er get over – you remember - whats-his-name
(I think he had a sister who almost looked the same)
lets laugh ourselves to silly, as we talk about it now – a twinkle in a smiley eye, instead of furrowed brow
lets make jokes about the woulda, coulda's – the ones who got away
lets smile like a cheshire cat – as we get to love another day

Yeah, lets sit and talk – as we often do
and cherish the passion that drove us crazy – that wooed us into moonlit nights and blissful 'oopsadaisy'
as we tip-toed into wedded bliss where we had nay an ounce of doubt
(and realised not long after – we would like to tip-toe out)
but oh we cried, we laughed, we stayed – we battled the night through -
and plodded onwards knowingly, for what is love to do -
for love doth not count its losses, and love will have it's way -
for those who could not understand, and those who could not stay -
Yes, lets sit and talk – as we often do
for we are blessed beyond all measure -
to have had the chance to love at all
is indeed our greatest treasure

Mum, lets sit and talk – as we often do
of the love that ties one to another -
of forgetting silly differences – between brother, sister, mother
of being blessed enough to recognise how so little really matters
when first we thought of giving way to that little pitter-patter
oh how clever once, we thought we were – how great, our little plans
to raise adoring little angels – and courageous little mans
we paid no mind to worries and we conquered little foes
and all we really counted on were little fingers, little toes
we knew not to fight their battles – well maybe one or two
for what's a little battle and what's a heart to do
Lets sit and talk – as we often do – of the things we didn't see
in showing them to learn, to love and to live independently
we didn't see they wouldn't need us, we didn't see the Masters plan – we didn't know that we would miss them- no we didn't understand
so lets talk – when they forget to call us, when they forget that we exist
and contemplate the possibility that nothing is amiss -
let's giggle lots and take a bow and maybe give ourselves a hand -
cos' we 'growed' ourselves a woman – and we 'growed' ourselves a man

Let's sit and talk – as we often do
about the state of world affairs -
does anybody notice now, does anybody care
was there such a time we could ne'er forgive
like - when our kids did something wrong -
has everyone forgotten, has it really been that long
have we all become so sheltered, so protected from the game
that we fail to see the brokenness, the sorrow and the shame
have our tender hearts turned wooden so we don't have to feel the pain
of only being half alive and halfway in the grave -
let's sit and talk a moment and consider all the joy -
that gets flushed away in violences we commonly employ -
let's allow ourselves to see all others as we desire to be seen
and dispose ourselves of judgement – and consider others clean
let's make sure we see the lonely, the broken and the sad
as one's the Lord has trusted us to lend a helping hand -
it shouldn't be that difficult – we have talked it through and through -
and maybe all these little things – God has left to me and you
see, I think He loves us all that much – that He would always take the chance – and lean into a stubborn lass – and ask the girl to dance...
well, just as well you know me, and we talk as often as we do -
cause of all the redheads I have known, I pray He has His heart on you...

Yeah, so come and sit and let us talk
and you can tell it like it is
and let Him take your weathered heart and He will give you His
He won't promise you the pleasures that will leave you feeling dead
He has a promise for you greater than you ever thought instead
a promise so often taken lightly – it's not too hard to miss
I can't tell you everything, but I can surely tell you this-
to some it sounds so empty – and not a joy at all
it has caused the proud to stumble, it has caused proud to fall
but pay that pride no never mind – it does far more harm than good
and it never really got you all it promised that it would -
just come and sit and let us talk –
let's contemplate if it could possibly be true
that the same Jesus who has died for me -
has also died for you -

I'm so glad we get to sit and talk and to laugh, to cry, to smile
to consider all the maybe's, to chew the fat a while,
cause it isn't all that oft enough that you get to share the flows and ebbs of days
and for that I'm truelly thankful in so many many ways
I pray that this will bless you, I pray you are comforted each day – knowing you are dearly loved, in each and every way.




























for one brief moment


for one brief moment
i thought i heard
the whisper of a little bird
spread out your wings
be unafraid
and then the sparrow flew away


for one brief moment
i thought i saw
a four-leafed clover at my floor
and the quiet hope of somthing more
and then i turned and went indoors



for one brief moment
i thought i knew
what caused the sky to be so blue
that sunny days were here to stay
but then my moment turned to gray



for one brief moment
i thought of love
and kisses pouring from above
but silence drove me to despair
that love is often not found here



for one brief moment
i thought i cried
tears spilt along the travelled miles
upon of which i strode alone
onwards to the fathers throne



for one brief moment
i thought all was lost
and i pondered over the heavy cost
for the things i thought i loved the most
in which i favoured much to boast



for one brief moment
i thought i felt
the winters of my heartbreak melt
and a light of hope begin to spark
and lead me from eternal dark



for one brief moment
i dreamt of glory
for pretty words within a story
for accolades i might have won
for my fifteen minutes in the sun



for one brief moment
i saw the Lord
upon the cross to save us all
the father, son, the holy ghost
he died for such as me, the most


for one brief moment
i knew that i had seen
the reason for my suffering
that somehow in my woeful story
Jesus Christ will get the glory






Sunday 17 June 2012

i am loved the most...




as i sit within this chilly room, my thoughts bombarding me with gloom
i ponder all the things i'm not, and cry for all i haven't got
i live behind a shackled door, with unclean clothes strewn on the floor
where the world can't see my broken heart, or how my life has come apart
where order has no place to sit, and hopefulness attempts to quit
where mirrors never seem to hide, the ugliness that lives inside
where warmth and comfort dwell not long, and mocking birds forget the songs
of the happy times i may have seen, and the joys of loving in between







i am hampered down with thoughts of woe, and bothered by what i do not know
and struggling still against the tide, of changing who i am inside
and the winter rain has just begun, so i cry now for the warming sun
which i wish would take my fears away, and lead me to a better day
where beauty is just a fallacy, painted on the pages of magazines
where love is really all there is, how i wish my mother taught me this





but she couldn't teach me what she did not know, and she carried her own thoughts of woe
and she sat within a chilly room, bombarded with her own thoughts of gloom
and she hoped i'd keep my bedroom clean, and all my messy self unseen
and she'd learnt that there was no-one else, within the world in which she dwelt
who would ever show the world outside, the messiness that dwells inside




so maybe it's all up to me, to set aside the pow's that be
and use the gift - given to me, and write for them who cannot see
and tell them of the brokeness, that lies within the ugly mess
which lives behind the shackled door, of those who dare to hope for more
it isn't what you see of me, that testifies to who i be
i pray for all - for unscaled eyes, and pray that they will realise
that there is only One, in which we all should boast
and it is by Him, that i am loved the most. 

for us.






the open door


lead me lord to the open door

as i awake again to your gift of day
go before me lord and guide my way                                                    
stand beside me as i face the wall
of a broken heart and unanswered call
show me things i haven't seen before
and lead me, lord, to the open door



lord, please let me see the burdened be
let me think of them, instead of me
through the wilderness where they may have fled                        
shine the way to where you'd have me tread
give me the words i've never spoke before
and lead me, lord, to the open door




let me walk along the troubled road
and see the one with the heavy load
and be among the scarred and torn
and the overdressed and priveleged born
and let my judgements fall upon the floor
and lead me, lord, to the open door



lord, show me through the sunshine beams
to where the storms and torrents be
where the rays of hope have no place to rest
where the innocent have been undressed
where the smallest faith resides no more
and lead me, lord, to the open door



and lord, as once again, the day does close
lay upon my heart, all of those
whose prayerful need, i am not aware
but whose burdens are too hard to bear
and lead me Lord to call on you
for all the things i could not do
for in my strength, i could do no more
until you lead me, lord, to the open door



for us.








for carol




Not oft enough do i sit and rest
and count the ways in which i'm blessed
and look around at where i'm planted
and see i take so much for granted
when a thought intrudes upon my mind
and i feel that i am so inclined
to lift my hand as i'm impelled to do
and write a birthday prayer for you





a prayer for love and lengthened days
for mercy, peace and eternal grace
for strength when weakness does abound
for comfort when you're feeling down
may His light precede you every day
may His hand uphold you in every way
may you sit reclined within His rest
and know -
you are Highly favoured and greatly blessed.